Top five regrets of the dying...but how do I change?

An old article in the Guardian caught my eye today, about the dying epiphanies of patients looked after by palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware. The top five most commonly reported regrets were:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Guilty as charged...

For me, a lot of these ring true. Most of the decisions I've come to regret later on have stemmed from assuming a role others have expected of me, instead of taking the time to consider carefully my own values and needs, and reflect on what kind of life I want to have. I have also, at times, worked to the point of becoming exhausted, miserable and ineffective as a result.

Do you get in the way of your own happiness?

More than that, I missed out on precious time with friends and family that is lost to me forever.  Expressing my feelings, especially when they might not be welcomed or valued is a risky, exposing adventure I am not always willing to take. Losing touch with friends is a common, gentle regret of mine I don't think I will truly appreciate until I too am facing my own annihilation as it is so easy to take for granted the deep and satisfying connection friendship can offer.  I often get in the way of my own happiness; sometimes I catch myself and am able to laugh, sometimes I don't notice and can stretch out my misery way beyond necessity.

The word that sums it up

What sticks out for me across all these is the word 'courage'.   To assert yourself takes great courage, as does taking the time to put yourself first and really reflect on your needs and wants. It takes courage step back from work, look after yourself properly and decline to participate in our society's obsession of deriving worth from role.  Expressing your feelings, whether they are a swirl of complex colours or a strident trumpet blast can open you up to painful, intimate and gorgeous experiences, often at the same time, often when you least expect it.  Keeping hold of friends can take a lot of effort, and in old friendships might involve being courageous enough to evolve and respond to your new situations and lives that as five or twenty-five year olds you never even considered would be a challenge to your relationship. Having the gall to put your happiness first and deal with the actual issues that trouble you instead of distracting yourself with a myriad of daily anxieties is without doubt the most undervalued kind of courage I have ever had the privilege, as a counsellor and friend, of witnessing.

The word that gives it meaning

In daily life, acting in a way that avoids these potential regrets can be really uncomfortable, painful even, but why?  The clue is in the littlest and biggest of the words here...'I'.  Many people find it difficult to give their well-being a priority, feeling selfish, guilty, aggressive or mean to say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, I want to go home" or "I'm going to quit this job, it's sucking my soul dry". Change is the thing that takes the most courage of all; being stuck in a rut or coasting along with the natural enertia of life can seem like the only path, but consider these four existential 'truths':

You are alone
You will die
There is no meaning inherent to life
You are entirely free, and therefore responsible, for your own life

I guess the question is; is what you've got good enough for you? Or will you lie on your death bed with the same regrets as you've read here?